1989 1993 Dear friend, relative, or it may concern,
Well, its that time of year again. The tree top glistening, visions of sugar plumbs, reindeer on rooftops, Santa Claus, and greeting cards, Frosty windows, Eggnog, and what to write in the greeting cards. It seems everyone is at a loss for words on just what that little note should say and can never sum up the whole year on just one side of greeting card. The alternative is the --ugh-- form letter.
As you may know I am very anti-form letter, answering machine, car phone, paisley tie, BMW and all that other Yuppie stuff. However I feel that in the past my little notes in the X-mas cards just didn't really cut the mustard and therefore I feel this need to say more. Because every year the (insert family name here) sends out in excess one hundred X-mas cards, much to the joy of the greeting card companies and the Post Office, and because all of these X-mas cards and postal stamps are the same, I figured we might as well cave and do a form letter and add to that lack-luster, superficial, over commercialized pre-Christmas Depression that everyone seems to experience this time of year. I am sure form letters only worsen this inner-emptiness and for that I am truly sorry.
However, in the past it seems I always wrote the same thing in every X-mas card. This in turn increased the Holiday Depression Syndrome (HDS) around the (insert family name here) household. Added pressure, not knowing what to say, so little time before the big day, and so on, and so I would end up saying the same thing in every card, get writer's cramp and no one could read my writing any way. And as far as that goes, the last time I ever had to write the same thing over and over one hundred time was in the Third grade and that was "I will not chew gum In Miss Frost's class because it will rot my teeth." Imagine thinking about that every time you went to fill out a X-mas card! A truly traumatic experience. So for this reason I feel trapped and must break with tradition and do --ugh-- a form letter.
So what have the (insert family name here) been up to this year?
Same crap, different Christmas.
(insert first names. Include pet names if you have any pets)